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aphxero
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« on: July 01, 2009, 11:57:11 pm » |
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So I'm in this situation. I have someone I care about who needs me to "be there for them" because they lost someone.
The problem is I don't know what that is? I've never lost someone important to me and honestly I've never cared about people dying. It seems a little bit silly to me but of course I can't say it.
I'm in pretty hot water for my lack of concern and I have no idea what to do/say about this. So this desperation might not be love but self preservation which makes more sense.
Also, this person is far too clever for gifts and/or generic comments. I can't just skate by pretending to listen. This person wants me to be emotional. You know cry with them or something (which is repulsive). How am I supposed to do that!? I never feel sad, afraid, or happy. I pretty much oscillate between feeling absolutely nothing and satisfied/paranoid/angry/defensive/drunk or any combination thereof. It's all I know. This is probably a manifestation of extreme selfishness.
Yes this is real. Yes I'm a bad person but it's the reality so...
Being a bad person. I figure there's at least one other bad person here who can fake concern better than I can.
Please bring suggestions? Thanks.
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aphxero
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« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2009, 01:46:40 am » |
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PS: I think I've lost it.
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swampfeotus
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« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2009, 03:24:11 am » |
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yea, that shits awkward for me too. just make them soup and watch happy girlie movies. either they will cope with the fact that your their for them or or not which is probably what they really want anyway. your probably a worse person for faking being torn up about it.
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creepster
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« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2009, 06:37:08 am » |
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if this person is too clever for gifts and generic comments, then they must know about how you are character wise and should be fine with whatever you do
i agree with swampy and just try to "be there"
eventually we all get over loss and continue with a happy life (at least i did)
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Theory is when you know everything and nothing works.
Practice is when things work, and no one knows why.
Here we combine theory and practice.
Nothing works and no one knows why.
modified, taken from bash.org
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Drewthetexan
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« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2009, 09:18:39 am » |
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Yeah, absolutely do not be fake about anything you do. If you aren't capable of sharing the emotions with this person, you might not want to try.
I'm kind of the same way, I haven't yet lost someone very close to me either, and so I usually just feel awkward and unsure about what to do. The thing I remind myself is that there isn't a single thing I can say or do that is going to make it better - which doesn't mean I don't try because it's futile, but that even if I said everything and did everything absolutely right, it doesn't change the situation.
Your someone will probably be a little volatile for awhile. Don't take any of it personally.
And emotions, or the lack thereof, does not in any way make you a bad person. Emotions aren't ever wrong. Its how you act based on what you feel that can be right or wrong.
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Men have become the tools of their tools.
-Henry David Thoreau
Spam Hunting
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V
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« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2009, 09:34:27 am » |
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I have to agree about the just being there part.
I'm not an emotional person but I've been through loss and what I found I needed most was someone who would just be there and perhaps turn their head when I lost it emotionally but wouldn't run away.
Too many people are afraid to see others in the throws of strong emotions, I think it takes a stronger person to hang with you and hand you a tissue when the water works are done.
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aphxero
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« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2009, 12:47:17 am » |
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Cool I think Im forming a strategy here. I'll take candyland with me and keep her distracted. Maybe something with john cusack or whatever the fuck. Hand tissues, make soup, and try not to comment whether I "care" about this or not.
I've had people die on me it just never bothers me like this. Now about volatility. As long as this doesn't turn into a psychotic episode I can take it. Throwing dishes is where I draw the line :)
Thanks everyone.
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creepster
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« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2009, 10:22:52 pm » |
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Cool I think Im forming a strategy here. I'll take candyland with me and keep her distracted. Maybe something with john cusack or whatever the fuck. Hand tissues, make soup, and try not to comment whether I "care" about this or not.
I've had people die on me it just never bothers me like this. Now about volatility. As long as this doesn't turn into a psychotic episode I can take it. Throwing dishes is where I draw the line :)
Thanks everyone.
i think "grosse point blank" is the best cusack movie |
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Theory is when you know everything and nothing works.
Practice is when things work, and no one knows why.
Here we combine theory and practice.
Nothing works and no one knows why.
modified, taken from bash.org
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Lexus
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« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2009, 05:52:14 am » |
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o.O
What, they did a lobotomy on you?
Meh, being there and just listening to them usually is enough. You dont have to cry or anything. Just sit there and talk with him/her. Whats there to pretend about that?
Unless you actually had a lobotomy, then I wouldnt even bother with trying to act like you care.
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My armor is contempt
My shield is disgust
My sword is hatred |
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aphxero
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« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2009, 02:23:45 pm » |
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Well I think I'm breaking it off anyhow. Bad timing though :(
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creepster
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Well I think I'm breaking it off anyhow. Bad timing though :(
breaking it off? what's that suppose to mean .... so you're together with that person who suffered loss and just call it quits because you dont feel you can console them? wth? |
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Theory is when you know everything and nothing works.
Practice is when things work, and no one knows why.
Here we combine theory and practice.
Nothing works and no one knows why.
modified, taken from bash.org
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Lexus
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Well I think I'm breaking it off anyhow. Bad timing though :(
breaking it off? what's that suppose to mean .... so you're together with that person who suffered loss and just call it quits because you dont feel you can console them? wth? Thats just fucking lame if you do that. |
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My armor is contempt
My shield is disgust
My sword is hatred |
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Pathogen
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Your first comments and last comments are completely contradictory with respect to your stated feelings. Either you care about this person or you don't, it is that simple fact of life. If you are under 30, then move on. If you are over thirty, then you already know the answer.
Yeah, shitty timing - what ever you want to call your excuse to move on in life. Although, I bet you have thought about this course of action in the past and were to chicken shit to do anything about your thoughts.
Wow, I've had a rough day. Sorry I'm taking it out on your post.
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« Last Edit: July 07, 2009, 10:53:44 pm by Pathogen »
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creepster
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Your first comments and last comments are completely contradictory with respect to your stated feelings. Either you care about this person or you don't, it is that simple fact of life. If you are under 30, then move on. If you are over thirty, then you already know the answer.
Yeah, shitty timing - what ever you want to call your excuse to move on in life. Although, I bet you have thought about this course of action in the past and were to chicken shit to do anything about your thoughts.
Wow, I've had a rough day. Sorry I'm taking it out on your post.
as house would say "saying sorry is just a sign of weakness" you shouldnt apologize for your own opinion, and i agree wholeheartedly with the above it is exactly what i am thinking, just that i wasnt the one to post it (rather i drew a blank and refrained from the usual slashing out mind you, some people need *help* to make decisions or come to a decision either being forced by the other person involved or being forced by *circumstances* the funny thing though, i bet common reaction would have been more sympathetic if those circumstances would have been clearly stated in the first post, like "i know i should break up and i have not come to a decision yet because i wasnt sure, but now i am .. but the timing is bad because of ..." life is a roller coaster and i had my fair share of rides, whatever you think you are doing right might be wrong, because you're also dealing with a big variable (another human being with a more or less irrational mind) the one point is though that you have to do something no matter what |
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Theory is when you know everything and nothing works.
Practice is when things work, and no one knows why.
Here we combine theory and practice.
Nothing works and no one knows why.
modified, taken from bash.org
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aphxero
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This was a funny situation. She ended up apologizing to me. And of course I've got nothing else to do...
Why does death make people retarded?
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